ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
