Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
