I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Randomize
