im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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