this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
