i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
