Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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