hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
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my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
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you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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