i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Text me some of your sweat
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
