Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
