I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Alive.
So much puke
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
