420 ftw
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
