the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
