WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
