i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
is wine microwaveable?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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