Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
