Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Still dying that you shit outside
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Who put my cat in the fridge?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
