why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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