I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
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He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
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I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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