Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"