you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent