dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick