Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."