LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
