She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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