let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize