I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
