just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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