I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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