Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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