I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
