I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
