So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
