I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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