Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You ruined the universe
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
