If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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