i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Randomize
