I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
