dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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