Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
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