i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
