There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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