Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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