By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
