He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
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He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize