i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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