let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
