I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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