Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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