Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
