Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
