Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
