i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
