she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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