she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
