New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
