why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
