dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
