We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
