she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
