thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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