sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
