Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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