2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
