So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
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The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
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He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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