I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i think i have herpe
just one?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
