my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
