This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
