so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just had sex bonerless
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
