i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
