I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
